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Couples seeking closure hold breakup services; 'A really good divorce'
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Flowers adorned the makeshift altar at the Old Town Hall in Boca Raton, Florida. Flanked by their witnesses, Laura Kay and Anthony Scott lit candles and recited their vows. Teary-eyed, the couple exchanged rings.
And then it was done: They were divorced. “We wanted to end the relationship in a positive way,” says Ms. Kay, a writer and photographer, who with her husband chose to commemorate their breakup with a formal ceremony.
Concerned about the damaging impact of divorce on children, as well as the bitter feelings that can haunt ex-spouses, some couples are standing up and pledging to honor and respect each other -- even after the marriage is over. Resembling a wedding in reverse, so-called divorce ceremonies can include everything from traditional wedding songs to video tributes to the couple. Also common are ring exchanges (except the spouses take off their rings and return them to each other) and vows. (“I promise to respect you as an individual.”) And don't forget the reception: After their ceremony, Ms. Kay and Mr. Scott gathered with a few friends for drinks on the terrace.
While still rare, divorce ceremonies are being embraced not just by New Agers, but also by growing numbers of clergy in mainstream faiths. At the Reform Beth El Temple Center in Belmont, Massachusetts, several dozen divorce ceremonies have been performed in recent years. The United Church of Christ, a major Protestant denomination, has a divorce service called Order for Recognition of the End of a Marriage. The United Methodist church, while not explicitly endorsing ceremonies, has introduced a prayer for divorced couples.
United Church of Christ spokesman Ron Buford says its service helps divorced couples stay in their church community. Plus, he says: “Everything is out in the open.”
Strange as all this sounds, family counselors say these rituals are simply the latest effort to deal with a culture of divorce.
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